I Am Not okay But I Will Be

I am not ok As I sat on the floor feeling hopeless crying to myself. Wishing life could end at this very second. Why does this keep happening to me? So many unanswered Questions

I’m jus tired of the pain, I can’t take it no more. Then the next second my 2 year old runs up to me. what’s wrong daddy and hugs me and kisses me. In that moment I realized that no matter how bad things are at that moment it could be worse. He could of not been there and I would have had to stand in That moment truly alone. Just that Quick I was reminded of a true purpose. A single dad with 3 kids to take care of I got to keep it together and be strong I am not ok We all have our days when we are overwhelmed and feel like life is to much. When we are getting attacked from every angle it’s so many battles you don’t know which one to fight . Me the way my life is set up it happens more often than not. Its always another battle I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. For the most part it has been a silent battle I’m not sure that I’m winning and a lot of I’m goods But to be honest I’m not. I seem to hide behind act like I’m good knowing I’m not and that only makes things worse. But why do I do that? Why do I put that mask on and hide what is truly beneath.

A man who is Raging and ready to erupt like a volcano,Pain deeper than the ocean surface, I am not ok the confusion, the doubt, the fear No I am not ok

Now here goes another straw ready to break the camels back. Covid19

How can I deal with this and I have yet to even deal with half of what I was dealing with? I try to rationalize with my self and take full responsibility for the things I put in the universe and understand that karma to would eventually catch up to me. But still this is a lot I’m trying to pick up the pieces and put it back together but this glass has been shattered repeatedly. Even tho I must continue how do I find the strength when all odds are stack against you and you can’t find the light at the end. I guess it’s only one true way to take the mask off and fix what’s IN. Time to stop hiding and face every demon I am not ok but I will be.

From my heart to your heart

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